The Cafe

No German lessons here
Table 1: Arthur J Bell

'We'll take no lessons from the Jairmans'. The now familiar, carefully modulated tones of one Miss A Goldie echoed round the sparsely filled Perth ice rink. The shoogly skeleton, that was the post-election 1997 Tory party, applauded. They were well programmed to hail the new Party chairwoman. 'There will be no 'Nazi Gold' in this great Party'.
     A host of decade-old memories were sparked into life by Bob Kernohan's article on German devolution (SR 39), and lessons for the Scots Conservatives from Bavaria. Sorry Bob, they'll 'hev non of thet!'
     It all started when everyone, but the un-elected Tory hierarchy, recognised the imminent disappearance of Conservative MPs from Scotland. I was chairman of an active 'think-tank' – the Scottish Tory Reform Group (STRG). We had long warned our cleverer leaders that political death awaited them – unless they recognised that the majority of our countrymen were seriously keen on devolution. Scots wanted government accountable, and back in Edinburgh. It was almost certain that a 'New' Labour government would be elected to power with a large majority, and 100 to 1 on that they'd introduce a Scottish Parliament Bill. This was even before one measured the popularity of the Rt Hon Michael Forsyth. STRG was approached by The Konrad Adenauer Foundation to see how they could help us.
     After several meetings and consultation they agreed a group of four senior STRG members (including one former government minister) would be invited to Bavaria. The objective was to see how a devolved conservative party (CSU) operated within the devolved federal system. In particular how they operated during those times when a socialist party was in power in Bonn. Strangely, at no time had such a difference threatened a break-up of the West German state.
     Historians will study the extraordinary situation when a governing party emerged without a single MP from a General Election. Eleven years on, after spending many millions of pounds (formerly belonging to Lords Laidlaw and Ashton), they have risen from their grave. With that household name David Mundell as their one UK parliamentarian.
     So back with Konrad...They set up meetings and visits in Munich and Bonn with politicians and party strategists. They also kindly offered hospitality and flights. Well, the Germans were German, and Scots Tories hardly flush! Lufthansa tickets were delivered, with full programme details, a couple of days before that Perth post-mortem in Dewars ice rink. That evening a friendly Glasgow Herald journalist called me, some panic in her voice. 'Arthur, the paper's going to run a story tomorrow about your (secret) German visit. I believe it's very hostile.'
     Prepared, I waited for the obligatory Herald phone call. 'I've never heard such a fairy tale since I read the Brothers Grimm', I told their writer, and waited for morning. Phone calls woke me from early bird friends, who were laughing at the front-page, banner headline nonsense. I now paraphrase:
     'German Chancellor Helmut Kohl is giving a leading Scots Tory, Arthur Bell of STRG, £2 million to set up a new, pro-European, centre/right political party in Scotland.' Wow! I waited in all morning for the Securicor van bringing me Helmut's Hitler loot, but he let me down. 'Nazi Gold' indeed!
     Thankfully I'd much better things to do the morning Annabel's select gathering started. After giving the sadly late, great Kenny MacIntyre an interview, I set out for Brechin...to see my octogenarian mother. Meanwhile, my office, and my wife were besieged by the meedja in Biggar, as mum and I sipped our Earl Gray. I told her that, after 30 years of wasted effort and cash, I was no longer prepared to put more of either into a dead party that wouldn't even listen to its few friends.
     An enormous weight was lifted, and I'd decided to stop bashing my cranium into that proverbial brick wall. I missed Miss Goldie's speech, no doubt delivered with aplomb, but got home to see the clips and hear the comments. Later I called Scotland on Sunday and gave them the 'exclusive' that I no longer supported the Tories. Nobody cared, as they didn't either. Not even a call from my 'good friend' Germany’s Chancellor. What fun we had! (NB When devolutionist Ted Heath led the Tories, and RD Kernohan was the party director, they had 23 MPs in Scotland.)
     Arthur Bell and his wife Susan were welcomed into the Lib Dems six months later, where they found 'a safe haven'.