.

Postcards
from Scotland

We asked a selection of SR
contributors for a memory
of an outstanding holiday in
Scotland – good or bad


Marian Pallister in Tobermory
George Chalmers in Ayr
Islay McLeod in Rockcliffe
Judith Jaafar in Carrick Castle
Barney MacFarlane on Arran


Bill Jamieson on Bute
Tessa Ransford in North Berwick
Michael Elcock on Harris
Ronnie Smith in Largs

Katie Grant on Mull
Thom Cross in Kirkcaldy
Morelle Smith in Glencoe
Bob Cant in Carnoustie

Robin Downie on Arran
Bruce Gardner in Glen Livet
Fiona MacDonald on Tiree
Walter Humes at home

Jill Stephenson at Loch Duich
Quintin Jardine in Elie
Iain Macmillan in Gleneagles
Douglas Marr on Skye
Andrew McFadyen in Kilmarnock

R D Kernohan on Arran
David Torrance on Iona
Catherine Czerkawska at Loch Ken
Chris Holligan in Elie

Rose Galt in Girvan
Alex Wood on Arran
Andrew Hook in Glasgow
Alasdair McKillop in St Andrews

Sheila Hetherington on Arran
Anthony Seaton on Ben Nevis
Paul Cockburn at Loch Ness
Jackie Kemp in a taxi
Angus Skinner on Skye

16.02.12
No. 515

Quintin Jardine

The sad collapse into administration of  the once mighty Rangers Football Club is a very large event indeed.
     Last night I invited my dear wife, a native of Tyneside, to imagine a scenario in which Newcastle United and Sunderland both went bust at the same time. 'This is bigger,' I told her and I meant it. I am no lover of Rangers, nor have I ever been. Yes, I recognise that many fine men have represented the club over the years; indeed I was at school with the sons of a couple of Ibrox giants, and one is a friend to this day.
     While its sectarian past is not to be overlooked or condoned, there were many among its followers who stood above all that. But alongside them, out-numbering them, I have seen the arrogance of the others, I have heard the bile they spewed at their opponents in what is, in the words of the late Jock Stein, 'only a game at football', and I have witnessed the violence of which they have always been capable.
     It will be good for the soul of the club that it is humbled, as were Celtic 30 and more years ago when they failed to plan for the post-Stein era and became a shambles until they were rescued by a man who realised that any institution with a multi-million pound turnover must adopt sound business principles. But it is to be hoped for the sake of the Scottish game as a whole that what is now conceivable, the liquidation and disappearance of Rangers FC, does not come about. No-one would benefit from that; indeed the nation would lose, economically and socially. But it is possible.      Those who believe that the club is protected in some way by the 'listed building' status of the Ibrox main stand would do well to look at what happened to Highbury Stadium after Gers' old friends the Arsenal moved to the Emirates.
     There is no way out of this without the creditors – and they include all of us who are stakeholders in HMRC – taking a severe hit. Still, I hope the administrators can achieve the rescue and restructuring that is their remit. They have some interesting questions to ask the failed management, that's for sure.
     For example, why did they not meet their basic obligation to hand over PAYE deducted at source to HMRC? What did happen to the £24m that Craig Whyte is said to have borrowed against three years of season ticket income? Why do its creditors include several other SPL clubs? Why the hell was the club on the verge of signing a well-past it 35-year-old for £7,500 a week, knowing that administration was imminent? Above all, how did things get so bad?
     All professional football clubs these days are 'brands' and Rangers, globally, are among the biggest. So why is it that successive owners of the business have failed so spectacularly to cash in on that brand value? I am not a big fan of transatlantic ownership of British football clubs. Indeed, a green and gold scarf hangs in my cupboard. But one thing North Americans do bring to the party is commercial awareness and international marketing expertise.
     Is that the way forward for Rangers? Possibly. For sure, it's a thousand times more attractive a prospect than continuation in any sort of restructured form under Mr Whyte and his associates.
     Dare I say this? Hell yes! Rangers need another Fergus McCann.

Unlike many publications SR doesn't have an online comment facility – we prefer a more considered approach. The Cafe is our readers' forum. If you would like to contribute to it, please email islay@scottishreview.net

Today's banner
The wall
Photograph by
Islay McLeod




From Ae! to Yell!,
 
the contest for a place-name

worthy of exclamation

 

The Midgie

 

Entrance to Ae! (for some reason)
Photograph by Islay McLeod

 

The Midgie invited readers to append exclamation marks to worthy Scottish place-names, following Devon County Council's disgraceful decision to drop the thunderstriker from the far end of Westward Ho!, thus releasing an exclamation mark back into the community. Here is the short-list:

Ae!
I would like to nominate the village of Ae as being the destination for The Midgie's wayward exclamation mark, as, as well as being the shortest place-name in the UK and in desperate need of some additional characters, that particular place-name, when uttered in a tone of disbelief, seems to be the most common reaction to most of the 'news' broadcast and printed by the meeja in Scotland nowadays. Do I also qualify for the award for the longest opening sentence?
Bobby Borland

Ae was also recommended by Robin MacCormick

Auchentoshan!
Bless you! Sneeze the moment!
Ian Petrie

Back! (Lewis)
The name has given rise to some mirth over the years, not least in relation to its football team, ie two Back full backs, the right back and the left back, sitting back to back in the back of the Back bus going back to Back.
Peter MacAulay

Bonkle!
Anyone who needs an explanation should be reading The Oldie and not the Scottish Review.
Anne Keenan

Clatteringshaws!
A noisy family lives here.
Donald Paton

Daer!
Our community in South Lanarkshire as in 'Daer to be different'.
Elizabeth Roberts

Dollar!
Pound notes and Euros also accepted.
Donald Paton

Dull!
Not much happens here.
Donald Paton

Duror!
Since the practice of dual-language road signs, motorists have passed through DUROR DUROR.  I suggest that the second name (in English black) should carry the apostrophe to celebrate the successful translation into English from the original language.
Harold Stillwell

Ecclefechan!
Not sure why, except the name has always fascinated me and I suppose it could be called 'Feck!' for short.
Jill Stephenson

Findo Gask!
Believe it or not, it's a place, not a character from Dickens' underworld.
John Izod

Fochabers!
A self-explanatory, substitute expletive.
Judith Jaafar

Freuchie! and Portmahomack!
My late father – a fine old-school Scottish gentleman, an elder of the Kirk and Sunday School teacher for 50 years – abhorred swearing but when things got too much he would use Freuchie and Portmahomack as if they were swearwords. I've no idea why he settled on these two villages. I think the addition of an exclamation mark would work on either of these. 
Janey Walker

Furnace!
Gey hot here.
Donald Paton

Glasgo!
Competitors in the 2014 Commonwealth Games overstay their welcome.
David McGill

Gowkthrapple!
It's a district of Wishaw – or Wishy in local parlance,
Ken Houston

Heck!
A village in Lochmaben parish, Dumfriesshire, of which it was once said that 'sometimes, during a freshet of the river Annan, is completely begirt with water, so as to look like an island in a lake, and to be approachable only by means of a boat'. My feelings about my home town of Lockerbie and its surroundings often cause me to think Heck! I'm sure many Scots feel the same about their birthplaces.
Robert Black QC

Hosh!
A Perthshire hamlet, near the Glenturret distillery, which could become big as the expletive of choice in reaction to more Trumpish idiocy.
Dave Harvie

Knock!
Please do so before entering this village.
Bonny Ronny

Loch Eck!
Could give emphasis to the growing popularity of the 'Eck' tendency in
Scottish life.
Bill Fraser

Lost!
Given that the village almost had its name changed to Lost Farm a few years ago there would be no better way for the residents of Lost to 'exclaim'
their existence!
Scott Dalgarno

Rum!
Sailors' delight and it makes a change from whisky.
Edgar Lloyd

Tongue!
Between lovers, especially on Valentine's Day.
Bonny Ronny

Turra!
Hame o' the coo. Look it up on Wikipedia – fascinating. - Ed
Helen Fitch

Wogahamsel!
[re The Midgie's surprise that Arthur Bell had not nominated Biggar on the grounds that Biggar! is better]
Our dear friend and neighbour, Arthur Bell of Coulter, is too preoccupied at the present with opposing the reindustrialisation of the Upper Clyde Valley, in order to preserve the rural idyll created by the 1980s Clearances and for which he and his ilk have since paid good money, to be concerned with advancing the interests of Biggar in particular and l'Ecosse profonde in general.
     I have always been under the impression that the full names all Scottish towns and villages were suffixed by an exclamation mark, as in 'Carfin-ya-Bas!' and 'Peebles-ya-Bas!', not to mention the entirely mythological settlement of 'Tongs-ya-Bas!'.  Can the disappearance from our place-names of the traditional 'dug's tadger' (to give the exclamation mark its proper orthological denomination) be part of a bigger conspiracy to extend the hegemony of southron grammatical correctness over the indigenous language?
Andrew McCallum

Yell!
A loud shout.
Donald Paton

The Midgie has declared that the winner is Ae! He will be contacting Dumfries and Galloway Council to instruct it to add the exclamation mark with immediate effect. Scottish Review pens to all those short-listed, except those who've already got one.