31 July 1860
To Marriageable Ladies
Two young men are desirous of forming a matrimonial alliance with two young ladies having the following qualities, viz: – they must not exceed 28 years of age, be good looking, not over 5ft 2.5 inches in height, nor 22 inches round the waist, with dark-brown or black hair, not to be worn in the Eugenie style, and must have all the qualifications of being good housewives, chaste, keepers at home, affectionate and kind to their husbands, and do everything possible to make home comfortable, cheerful, and happy. Apply, enclosing portrait, to XY, Post Office, Westray, Orkney.
1 August 1863
A Cute Lawyer
A gentleman dying left all his estates to a monastery on condition that, on the return of his only son, who was then abroad, the worthy fathers should give him whatever 'they should choose'. When the son came home he went to the monastery and received but a small share, the wise monks choosing to keep the greatest part for themselves. The young man consulted his friends, and all agreed that there was no remedy. At last, a barrister, to whom he happened to mention the case, advised him to sue the monastery, and promised to gain his cause. The gentleman followed this advice, and the suit terminated in his favour through the management of the advocate, who grounded his plea upon this reasoning: 'The testator,' said the ingenious barrister, 'has left his son that "share of the estate which the monks should choose", these are the express words of the will. Now it is plain what part they have chosen by what they keep for themselves. My client, then, stands upon the words of the will, "Let me have," says he, "the part they have chosen, and I am satisfied."'
4 August 1936
'Ghost' Fined For Prank: Fife Man Who Became Ill From Fright
The story of a man who was so terrified by the appearance of a 'ghost' on a farm road that he became ill, was told in Dunfermline Sheriff Court yesterday, when a young man, James Frail, Newcastle House, Halbeath, pleaded guilty to a charge of committing a breach of the peace. An agent, for accused, explained that Frail had got the idea of playing a practical joke on a man named Harry Bayne, who resided at Keirsbeath Farm, Kelty. Bayne was in the habit of knocking at the doors of neighbours' houses as he was going home at night. Evidently with the intention of giving Bayne a fright, Frail appeared on the road with a sheet round him. Bayne ran off when he saw the apparition, but apparently he did not think it was a real 'ghost', because he shouted back some threatening language towards the figure on the road. Probably there would have been nothing about the case at all, but unfortunately Bayne's health suffered to some extent as a result of the fright he got. Accused was very sorry that should have happened. The Depute Procurator-Fiscal said that when accused appeared on the road in his white sheet, Bayne ran a distance of half a mile to his home, in a state of extreme fright and perspiring freely. Since then he had had pneumonia, and, while that could not be definitely attributed to the fright he had, the fact remained that he had been very ill since then. Honourable Sheriff-Substitute imposed a fine of 10s with the alternative of seven days imprisonment.
4 August 1864
On Tuesday morning last week our usually quiet village was agreeably surprised and delighted by the arrival of an omnibus from Stranraer, containing the flute band of the Reformatory School there, under the able superintendence of their much respected teacher Mr Ross. They proceeded to the cattle show at Portwilliam, and on their return in the evening, through the kindness of Mr Ross, we were favoured with a selection of their choicest airs, which were skilfully rendered and reflected much credit upon their teacher and the institution. We were specially struck with the clean and orderly appearance of the boys, and the willingness with which they obeyed the gentle and unostentatious directions of their teacher. The boys carry with them the good wishes of the village for their future welfare.
6 August 1844
Perils of Authorship
It has been calculated that if 12 men were employed for 24 hours a day, allowing neither for sleep nor meals, in reading at the rate of 80 words per minute, they would barely keep up with the volumes published in London alone. In this, tracts and sermons are included; but if magazines, reviews, and newspapers were added to the task, it would require upwards of 40 men. If 12 hours per diem were employed, then 80 men would be required; and as he is a hard student who reads more than eight hours per day, so 120 men would barely finish the Herculean labour; but as the average amount of time spent in reading, even among the educated classes, seldom exceeds one hour per day, each person peruses one 960th part of the published mass; that is to say, for one book, chapter, or page that he reads, he leaves 959 unread. The proportion of books which pay for the expenses of printing and publishing, is small; of those which leave profit, very small; of those which reach a second edition, not one in 1840; of those which pass through more than two, not one in many thousands.
5 August 1824
A new fruit has been lately introduced to this country, called Cherimoya by the natives of Mexico; it has yet no English name, but is a species of the Annona of Linnaeus. It is esteemed a more delicate fruit even than the pine apple. The fruit is covered by a green scaly substance. In size and shape it resembles the heart of a calf, and the interior substance is similar to thick cream, sweetened with fine sugar.