The Scottish Review's

not the review

of the year

 

Kenneth Roy

 

Man of the year
Sir Fred, whose super-injunction prevented the publication of any information about him other than that he was a man. We were, for example, forbidden from claiming that he was a bank manager. Did anyone think he was?

Investigative journalist of the year
Andrew Marr, who investigated himself and discovered that he too was the proud possessor of a super-injunction.

Cover-up of the year
The Scottish Government for somehow getting around the publication of the full report of the Scottish Criminal Cases Review Commission on the
Megrahi scandal

Survivor of the year
Megrahi himself: still hingin' on last we heard

PR man of the year
Stephen House, chief constable of Strathclyde, for demanding a 'summit' on football hooliganism and then sending in the helicopter to a mild-mannered student sit-in at Glasgow University

Statistic of the year
23%. The percentage of the Scottish electorate who voted SNP in the May
2011 election

The Stewart Stevenson snow off a dyke award
The Scottish newspapers for their collapsing circulations

Obituary of the year
Susannah York's for the claim that she was expelled from Marr College, Troon, for swimming naked in the school swimming pool, the truth being that Marr College has never possessed a swimming pool

Mystery of the year
So where did she swim naked in Troon?

Over-rated anatomical object of the year
Rear of the Duchess of Cambridge's sister

Unprepossessing bridegroom of the year
Tindall

Party of the year
The summer one at the Murdochs, attended by such beacons of
enlightenment as Jon Snow and Robert Peston, hours before the
phone-hacking scandal broke

You can't say you weren't warned by the Scottish Review award
NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde over the closure of Southern Cross
Health Care

Most irritating public figure of the year
A tie between Leveson and Trump

Prophet of the year
Dr Laurence Gruer, director of public health science at NHS Scotland, who warned that we were facing rising crime, fraud, racism, drug abuse, child abuse, domestic violence, obesity, depression and suicide because of the inability of the population to make ends meet. SR revealed that, in the year this disastrous scenario unfolded, Dr Gruer himself pocketed an increase
of £25,000 taking his salary to the moderately recession-proof figure
of £210,000

Sentence of the year
Twelve months for the policewoman who failed to arrest some local burglar before he had actually burgled anything. SR, alone in championing her case, can report that the sentence was recently reduced on appeal to one of community service – the one that ought to have been imposed in the
first place

Public service employees of the year
The robots employed by NHS Forth Valley at the PFI hospital in Larbert. They won an award for efficiency. Which was more than could be said for some of the human beings employed by this board

The Lord Lucan where are they now? award
Adam Werritty

Fall-guy of the year
Jack McLean, the main villain of the Leveson inquiry in its early weeks – for an opinion piece he wrote 20 years ago

Secret millionaire of the year
The late Edwin Morgan

Prisoner of the year
Tommy

What the hell was all that about? award
Alex Salmond for his attack on Lord Hope

The poor dears of the year award
The poor BBC dears being asked to move from London to, omg, Salford

Disappointment of the year
Obama. His speech to the troops in Iraq also wins the Toe-Curling Oration of the Year award

Knighthood of the year
Souter

Death of the year
News of the World

Most over-used word of the year
Spring. To describe anything vaguely denoting change

Most annoying usage of the year
Multiple when many is usually enough

Best thing of the year
Sarah Lund, of course

 

Caricatures by Bob Smith
www.bobsmithart.com