My monstrous carbuncle

Eyesores
and other
attractions V
Mick North

A piece of modern art

It might have taken a while but it's arrived at last. For 10 days now, courtesy of the Scottish Government, I have been able to sit at home and use that must-have tool for modern day communication, broadband. Until recently it had seemed as if remote living would always equate with remote internet access as I contented myself with a dial-up service that plodded along at 28 Kbps. But as downloads and email attachments grew bigger and bigger and websites more complicated my frustration was also growing. An inbuilt discrimination had developed against those who remained in the internet slow lane and too many online activities had become impossible without broadband. Fortunately for Scotland, projects funded by the government have ensured that wherever we live, we can all speed up.
     Last May the Scottish Government claimed: 'At 99.6%, Scotland (and the UK) are ahead of most of Europe (and in fact most of the world) in terms of broadband availability. Most other countries or regions of the UK are not looking to address the problem of broadband reach. Scotland is'. For some communities the solution had been the Exchange Activate programme to upgrade individual telephone exchanges where BT installed new capacity. A total of 378 Scottish non-commercial telephone exchange areas have been upgraded. However, I'd learnt that no matter how well the local exchange had been upgraded I could not share in the benefits.
     In an earlier quest for speedy communication I had allowed a well-known telecom company to sign me up to their broadband option. I had provided my postcode and assumed they would then have checked for any connectivity problems before going ahead. I can be too naïve at times. The equipment was sent and connected but no broadband signal was ever received. Replacement equipment failed to solve the problem. After months of explaining and complaining to numerous call centre staff, during which time I became heartily sick of hearing Thunderclap Newman's 'Something in the Air' as I waited endlessly for someone to respond, the fault was revealed as being all too simple. Like many Scottish residents I was too remote. A BT engineer, called out to check the phone line, knew immediately that there was too great a distance to the local exchange.
     But the Scottish Government's Broadband Reach Project came to the rescue. Anyone with a property too far from an exchange would, by registering before 31 May last year, be provided with the appropriate equipment which would be installed for free. The technology would depend on the number of eligible subscribers. With a handful of subscribers in an area the access would be via individual wi-fi antennae linked to a network with a satellite connection to the internet. With less than four eligible subscribers each property would get a direct, individual satellite dish. And that is how I come to have a new dish and can now receive and send information at Mbps speeds.
     Everything is working well but I wish the equipment were on a smaller scale. I had anticipated something subtle, in keeping with the country surroundings. The brochure from Avanti Caledonian Broadband Ltd, the contractors responsible for the service, shows quintessential Scottish scenery with hills, a bridge, a castle and a couple of cottages, but not a dish in sight as information is beamed from the sky. The house, however, has gained a huge appendage, a dish which measures nearly a metre across and protrudes from the wall at head height for nearly two metres. When it was installed I had to acknowledge that I was aware of the health and safety implications to anyone wandering around the garden. It is too big for anyone to miss. I am reminded of Prince Charles's much-quoted description of the proposed extension to the National Gallery in London as a 'monstrous carbuncle', a term now widely used to describe architecture unsympathetic to its surroundings. It might not be architecture but my monstrous dish is certainly something of a carbuncle. I hope that technological developments will permit a future downsizing.
     Setting aside this aesthetic cost I have no doubts about the benefits that this initiative by the government will be bringing to large areas of the country. At a time when the loss of services such as post offices, shops and public transport from rural areas remains a major issue it would seem that, at least when it comes to online communication, none of us in Scotland has been left out.