The Midgie

Suffolk Primary Care Trust hired a PR outfit to come up with a new and racier name. For a fee of £6,000 (plus VAT), the PR outfit re-named it NHS Suffolk. As re-naming boring organisations is clearly one of Britain's few remaining growth industries, the Midgie has formed a wholly owned subsidiary, Midgie Ventures Ltd, incorporating LloydsHBOS, with a view to re-naming as many organisations as it can lay its hands on, at a knock-down, knock-off, see-you-Jimmy price of £5,999 (plus VAT).

Alex Salmond. Modesty Scotland
BBC Scotland. JackieBird
Broadcasting, Entertainment, Cinematograph and Theatre Union.      Soundguys
Church of Scotland. Wetherspoons
Equity. Luvvies
Faculty of Advocates. Goonies
Gordon Brown. Tony Blair
Headteachers' Association of Scotland. Nervous Breakdown
Iain Gray. Who?
Institute of Chartered Accountants of Scotland. McFees
Keep Scotland Beautiful. Kilmarnock Bus Station
National Union of Journalists. Hack UK
NFU Scotland. Fermers
Post Office. Insignia (The Midgie adds: additional charge of £600,000 plus      VAT for next day delivery)
Rail Passengers Committee Scotland. Stand
Robert Gordon University. Bob
Royal Bank of Scotland Group. Fredbank
Royal College of Physicians of Edinburgh. Docscot
Royal Commission on the Ancient and Historical Monuments of Scotland.      George Foulkes
Royal Society of Edinburgh. Chaps
Royal Society for the Relief of Indigent Gentlewomen of Scotland.      Brokeoldbirds
Scotch Whisky Association. Pissed
Scottish Arts Council. Handout Scotland
Scottish Council for Development and Industry. Pizza Hut
Scottish Episcopal Church. Piskies
Scottish Financial Enterprise. Lloyds TSB
Scottish Inland Waterways Association. Flood
Scottish Liberal Democrats. Utopia
Scottish and Northern Ireland Plumbing Employers' Federation. Sink
Scottish Police Federation. Fuzz
Scottish Trades Union Congress. P45
Scottish Water. Plenty
Scottish Widows. Betteroffdead
University of the West of Scotland. University of Paisley
VisitScotland. Last Resort

The Midgie is delighted to announce that, in the interests of changing name for no good reason, he will henceforth be known as the Glasgow Herald.