The Midgie apologises for his comparatively long absence from these pages. Regular readers will be aware that the Herald group of newspapers has an unhappy tendency to appropriate ideas from the Scottish Review. No sooner had this magazine launched an alternative Person of the Year award (alternative, that is, to the incomparably ghastly Trump) and named Jo Cox, than the Sunday Herald unexpectedly launched an alternative Person of the Year award and named, er, Jo Cox.

Worse, The Midgie himself was abducted by the daily Herald’s online manifestation and stuck on top of a column of boring Scottish political gossip. Battered but relatively unbloodied by his incarceration in an odorous garret at the top of Buchanan Street, from which he has only recently effected his escape, The Midgie returns with exciting news:

Donald J Trump is not the president of the United States. The inauguration itself was a piece of fake news.

How does The Midgie know this? Only the BBC reported the truth: that it is not Donald but his long-lost sister Olive who is installed in the White House. For some reason the world chose to ignore the BBC, possibly because the world no longer wholly trusts the BBC.

If you doubt The Midgie, please see the image below. You will then be able to spread the wondrous news to your friends that it is Olive, not her disgraced brother Donald, who has been leader of the free world for almost a fortnight.

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