Desperate idea of the week
Labour's proposal for four new bank holidays – a stunt masquerading as a policy

Desperate party of the week
Labour

Pot/kettle award
Nicola Sturgeon, who obsesses about a second independence referendum,
accusing Theresa May of obsessing about Brexit

Stats of the week
Percentage for Scottish independence: 40%. Percentage for a second independence referendum: 26%.

Pundit of the week
Professor John Curtice, whose original complacency about the election outcome in Scotland already seems a little, um, misplaced

Comeback kids of the week
'Sir' Vince Cable, 'Sir' Simon Hughes and 'Sir' Ed Davey are all standing for the Lib Dems. If you're a Lib Dem and comprehensively past it, it helps to be called 'Sir'

Mystery of the week

Why any of the above characters deserved knighthoods

New friend of the LGBT community
Tim Who

Hypocrite of the week
The ghastly Farage isn't standing because he says he can do more good in the European parliament, an institution he has spent years ridiculing and deriding

Stale metaphor of the week
'May parks her battle tanks on Labour's lawn' (Sunday Times)

Deny all wrongdoing
Michelle Thomson and Natalie McGarry

Progressive alliance of the week (aka 'coalition of chaos')
The one Nicola Sturgeon wanted to build with Jeremy Corbyn for about six and a half minutes

Useless legislation of the week
The Fixed Term Parliaments Act, which apparently means the opposite of what it says

Opinion polls of the week
(on the same morning)
'Poll shocks Jez – Tories now on 50%' (Mirror)
'Tory lead slashed in half' (Mail on Sunday)

Rich people of the week
Anyone earning more than £70,000 a year, according to the scary individual who claims to be the shadow chancellor

Say that again?
'UKIP ban on burkas not anti-Muslim'

Editor of the week
George Osborne of the London Evening Standard who tipped off his newsdesk that he was standing down as an MP – but too late to make the edition

Empty chair of the week
The one that won't be occupied by the prime minister's bottom during the threatened TV debates

Oldie of the week
David Dimblebore, who will be presenting the BBC's election coverage at the age of 78

Cartoons by Bob Smith

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1
Upfront
The wrong note
KENNETH ROY


The Midgie

Election Forum
A second referendum?
Just call me a snowflake
ANDREW HOOK


The Week
Alternative versions of despair
WALTER HUMES


Hassan at Large
The final whistle
GERRY HASSAN


Sharp Talk
Boring but beautiful
RACHEL SHARP


Nannie's Diary
If we're in a jam, it must be the
fault of the asylum seekers
NANNIE SKÖLD


Essay
The brave who never told
MICHAEL ELCOCK


Despatch
French connections
RONNIE SMITH


Despatch
Main Street, USA
MAGGIE CRAIG


The Local
ISLAY MCLEOD


Film
Split Screen
JEAN BARR


Bob Smith's Views

Notebook
Winter Spring
ALASDAIR MCKILLOP