Historic achievement of the week
The SNP's 'historic' third victory in a row. As there have been only five elections since the Scottish Parliament came into being in 1999, winning three of them is not exactly historic – unless you view Labour's two successive victories as 'historic' too.
Hyperbole of the week
'Nineteen months on from the referendum, our Groundhog Day battle over the constitution dominates another election and hands 2nd place to Davidson and her callous band of Tories who torment the poor and vulnerable'
Front page standfirst, Daily Record, 7 May (The italics are The Midgie's)
Dumbest political slogan of the week/year/decade
The Midgie declares a goal-less draw between 'Kids not cuts' (Scottish Labour) and 'Bairns not bombs' (SNP).
Least enticing invitation of the week
'Let's take a look at the Scottish Labour manifesto'
BBC Scotland news website, 4 May
Most apathetic constituencies of the week
1. Glasgow Provan, turnout of 42.8%
2. Glasgow Shettleston, 43.7%
3. Glasgow Maryhill and Springburn, 44%
4. Glasgow Pollok, 45.5%
5. Glasgow Kelvin, 45.7%
6. Aberdeen Central, 46.7%
7. Glasgow Southside (seat of – guess who? – our Supreme Named Person), 47.7%
8. Banffshire and Buchan Coast, turnout of 48.5%
Most wonderful names of the campaign
1. Ann Le Blond, Conservative, 3rd in Renfrewshire South
2. Emma Farthing-Sykes, Lib Dem, last in Edinburgh Pentlands
3. Dan Farthing-Sykes, Lib Dem, last in Linlithgow
4. LizAnne Handibode, Labour, second in East Kilbride
5. Cospatric D'Inverno, Lib Dem, last in Edinburgh East
6 Douglas-James Johnston-Smith, SNP, managed to lose East Lothian although he needed only a 0.2% swing
The Midgie concludes that having a fancy name puts candidates in Scotland at a severe disadvantage
The continuing genius of Professor John Curtice
'In Eastwood the Conservatives have managed to wrestle [surely wrest? – Ed] this three-way marginal from Labour. However the increase in the Conservative vote at two points is nothing like the scale required for the party to gain second place in Scotland. Meanwhile the seven-point increase in the Conservative vote is on a scale that suggests they are in contention for second place.'
BBC Scotland election website, 2.49am, 6 May
RISE – Scottish Left Alliance
Scotland's new 'political force' last Thursday
FALL – Scottish Left Alliance
Scotland's new 'political force' 24 hours later
Secret marriage of the week
'Mr Kasich had been widely seen as the most moderate and electable Republican candidate and polled well against Hillary Trump, but that did not garner him enough support among Republican voters'.
BBC news website. 4 May
Unintentional hoot of the week
David Hayman's reading of 'The Blade Artist' on Amazon (click here)
Islay's pic of the week
Summer has arrived in Scotland – a combination of high fashion and Mr Whippy
Slogan of the week
'Life is short. Let's live it well' (New Day). How true. New Day died after nine weeks. It may even have passed away.
Words of the week
'Burying his demons'. The Midgie notes the increasing demand on all of us to bury our demons. Rory McIlroy, the Irish golfer, is returning to a course on which he has not played well in the past. It is not enough for the press to express the hope that the young man plays better. He must 'bury his demons'
'Dog whistle'. As in 'dog whistle racism'
'Aligning her energies' – Singer Lauryn Hill's excuse for turning up late at a concert
Prize chump of the week (again)
Natalie McGarry, MP
Lovely, but we may have had enough
Leicester City, whose victory in the English Premiership has been described by a journalist on Sky TV as 'the greatest story ever told'. The Midgie was brought up to believe that was Jesus, who scored the winning goal in injury time.
Predictable line of the weekend
'United Kingdom, nil point'
Top 5 bores of the week
1. Gary Lineker's underpants
2. The royal hamster (Marvin)
3. The BAFTA TV awards
4. Professor John Curtice
5. The sudden re-appearance in streets and shops of peely-wally Scotsmen in shorts
